There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
