What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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