Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
