i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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