time to smoke my breakfast
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
