Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
