I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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