she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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