Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
