Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think my fart just growled at me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
