I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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