Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
