Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
