Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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