I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
