yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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