I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
