Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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