If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
