I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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