I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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