Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
