ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
