You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
