my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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