I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Please don't give away my fajitas
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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