Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
