So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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