Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
