It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
