from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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