It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
