you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
