This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
