for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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