I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
