this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
