he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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