no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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