So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
