I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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