I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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