Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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