Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
