just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
