Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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