Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
