I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
