Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
