She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
