I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
