How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
