Someone shit on the floor
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
