so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
