So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Vodka?
Forever.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
