No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
