hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
