i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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