You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
