So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
