oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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