Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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