went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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